Halloween Dilemma

Halloween Dilemma

Oct. 30, 2013

Sophomore Janae Sargent describes the predicament that is Halloween as a college student.

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Hmm … Should I be funny or sexy this year?

I stare at the monstrous heap that was once my closet, flipping through the images of my clothes and trying to piece together something to wear to the Halloween dance tonight.

Crap. I knew I shouldn’t have waited until the day of the dance to figure this out.

I say that every year.

I rummage through the piles scattered across my room, grabbing for some glimmer of hope. I have to have something that I could turn in to a costume.

Black corset.

No, that’s too sexy.

Rudolph-themed footie pajamas.

Not sexy enough. I shrug them on and pause to strike an Elvis pose in the mirror.

Dang I look good …

Oh my gosh, focus.

Okay, I could be Captain Underpants! I’ll get some tighty whities, put them on over my jeans and …

Wait, no one will want to dance with the smelly underpants chick. I am not going to be THAT girl doing the sprinkler in the back by myself again.         

I have to be cute … but I also have to be silly … but not so silly as to distract from my cuteness. I have to be original and clever … but I can’t look like I’m trying too hard.

THAT’S IT. I’m going to the Goodwill.

As I fumble through the overflowing racks at the thrift shop, passing over trench coats, fat suits, Christmas sweaters and wigs, I think back to how easy it all used to be. Back before Halloween was a big competition of who wears the college kid best. Back when I had three steps to the perfect Halloween.

  1. Put on princess costume

  2. Get candy

  3. Stuff face with candy

It used to be so easy.

I don’t think I will even get any candy this year, not with that new herbivore diet Katie has me on.

I miss when Halloween used to be about trick-or-treating and playing games. For some reason, people find it weird when a group of scantly clad 19-year-olds ring the doorbell in search of candy.

WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?!

I try to slow my breathing, chucking discarded clothes left and right in the middle of Goodwill. Then I see it.

At the end of the aisle, my passage to style salvation stares me in the face. It’s the answer to all my problems. The perfect blend of quirky and flirty.

My Halloween Costume.

I am going to be A MILK CARTON.